Spotlight on Group Therapy

My Experiences With EMDR, Chiropractic, Sex Therapy, Group Therapy & Meditation

To undo the ruin within that resulted from my childhood sexual abuse, I tried many different types of therapy including EMDR, a chiropractor to release trapped “fight or flight” responses, sex therapy, group therapy and meditation. This blog post is the fourth in a series detailing them and focused on group therapy. (Read about my experiences with EMDR, Chiropractic Care and Sex Therapy.)

Following on the heels of sex therapy, which did not unearth the reason why I was seemingly unable to meet a man and enter into a relationship, my therapist Rachel resurfaced the idea of group therapy. Group therapy involves one or more psychologists who lead a group of five to 15 patients. Typically, groups meet for an hour or two each week. Some people attend individual therapy in addition to groups, while others participate in groups only.

Rachel had suggested it multiple times over the years in the hope that I would find a sense of community, people who knew what I felt because they felt it too. Each time she brought it up, it was a hard no. I had no interest in exploring it as I feared there would be a “poor me” mentality and I’d hate the people. That may not have been a fair assumption, but back in the day when you had to go to Weight Watchers meetings in person, I encountered more than a few people full of self-pity that took little action, and it was maddening.

I longed to meet someone and there was no stone I would leave unturned in my efforts to reveal what was holding me back.

However, I changed a lot over the years and in addition to becoming much more open, I was also increasingly desperate. I longed to meet someone and there was no stone I would leave unturned in my efforts to reveal what was holding me back. So, when Rachel brought it up again and said she knew of a group for women who experienced childhood sexual abuse, I said I’d consider it.

Rachel reached out to the leader of the group who in the “what a small world” coincidence, was my former therapist, Janice. I started working with Janice in my mid-20s. At the time, I was so guarded that it was a misery for me to reveal anything about myself and therapy was its own special hell. It had been 15 years since I last saw Janice and we agreed to meet a couple of times to discuss my history and joining her group.

It's saying something that I saw Janice twice a week for eight years and she was unaware of my childhood sexual abuse. When we met up to discuss the group, I told her it wasn’t surprising. I likely told her my story when we first met and then spent my time discussing my weight, men and work. I was so deeply unhappy that we focused on the present and rarely looked back.

Janice wanted to know where I still needed to make progress and my thoughts on joining her group. I told her about my inability to meet anyone and it was my hope that there would be another group member who was also an avoider of men. Someone who would understand the frustration I felt at wanting them but the deep avoidance and messages I must convey that made men steer clear of me. Unfortunately, no one fit that bill. We also discussed my concerns that the group would be a venue for endless whining about life circumstances without taking any actions to change it. She didn't think that would be a problem.

I asked Janice how she thought the group might help me. From her perspective, the group was productive, a helpful way to surface issues and I would be a good addition. There was a three-month time commitment upon joining but if I was unhappy, she wouldn't hold me to it. While I was mixed as to what I’d get out of the group, I decided to join. Should I meet a man, it would be helpful to have a group of people to talk to about the physical issues as they came up.

In committing to group, I felt that I was exploring every option and really going outside of my comfort zone. I hoped it counted because there is a part of me that feels as if I must suffer, to show the universe that I am serious. So, I would do the hard work and trust that my efforts would be rewarded.

At my first group therapy session I was tense, but it was manageable. There were six of us and Janice who led the group for a total of seven. While it got off to a very slow start and I was certain I would not be returning, everything changed when the conversation shifted to someone’s history. I'd never had a conversation with anyone who had a remotely similar experience to mine, and I was riveted.

Typically, in group, someone would bring up something that was happening in their life, either with work, family or partners and it would segue back to the past and their experiences. While each of us had different lives and different issues, there were many points of commonality. Even when we had opposite perspectives or behaviors, it often stemmed from the same place.

It opened up a much larger conversation about being comfortable in your body which none of us were.

For example, several members wrestled with food and weight. Even though I was no longer heavy, I still struggled with how I looked and thought that men weren’t attracted to me. It opened up a much larger conversation about being comfortable in your body which none of us were. We also had conversations about desire and how it made us feel. And all of us felt the same: as if we were little girls and it was overwhelming.

However, there were a lot of times where the conversation didn’t resonate with me, particularly as it related to family, and I questioned why I was there. Rachel and I discussed my experience with group and in relating how a particular session wasn’t relevant, it would often trigger something else that was. It was these unexpected moments that yielded fruit for me to work on with Rachel and when I was frustrated by group, I would focus on that.

I did meet someone during the time I was in group and being able to share all the physical and emotional tripwires that surfaced was enormously helpful. The other members understood and could relate, even though we each had unique experiences and challenges. They truly were a community. My community.

After two years I was ready to leave group. Rachel asked what I got out of it, and it was two things:

• To identify and express my feelings in real time. Group is made up of people, some of whom you agree with and some of whom you don’t. I’m an outspoken person and there was another member similar to me. We often had very different takes on situations, and she would challenge me. While it was uncomfortable, it was invaluable as it enabled me to identify and address my feelings in the moment. And this is a gift that keeps on giving. Once you learn how to do it, communicating becomes much easier.

• To share how I felt and be vulnerable. It was through group that I was able to talk about things that hurt me, be emotional and continue. I didn't just dissolve into tears or become engulfed by my sadness, as I feared I would. Group gave me the opportunity to practice being vulnerable which was a skill I needed to learn because my ability to be in a successful relationship is predicated upon that.

After years of refusing to so much as consider group therapy, it ended up being one of the best things I’ve ever done. I am proud of myself because it was a firm no for so long and I went even with all my fears and reservations. It demonstrated just how much you can change – how much I could change – and that nothing is impossible or out of reach.

Many groups are designed to target a specific problem, such as sexual abuse, depression, obesity, panic disorder, social anxiety, chronic pain or substance abuse. Other groups focus more generally on helping people deal with a range of issues. For information about finding a group, visit psychologytoday.com/us/groups/.